It’s 8.15am and the little people in this room are opening their eyes, while I have been up for aprox 1.5h going through some inner transformations as I happen to do almost every other day now. K (4) had fallen asleep with a broken lego beside him as he was too tired to fix it last night.

Some time ago, I felt myself facing a dilemma: should I stay and give my all to change the people and environments around me? The politics, the society, the opportunities, the relationships that I had clearly outgrown? Be dutiful and continue to fight the windmills no matter the cost to my own happiness? OR Am I allowed to go, follow my highest dreams and callings, follow my heart to where it yearns to go and take on new challenges that speak to my soul?

Kids are usually good at crying. They don’t tend to hold much in; they live and express themselves in the moment. Grown-ups, on the other hand, are quite well versed in gathering, holding and preserving mental, emotional and physical tensions. We usually need two things to cry: a very strong reason (high stress; strong emotion; grief; complete overwhelm…) AND a safe atmosphere to let go. For a lot of people - this kind of atmosphere does not exist. Even “home alone” is not always enough.

The paradox is (and the truth is most often found in the paradox), that the more we surrender to the idea of no right/no wrong way to do Life, the more we are inclined to make Life-supporting choices for ourselves. It is simply physics: holding the dualistic idea of right and wrong manifests as holding tensions in your body.

And you don’t have to like your child and the way he behaves and the human he is in order to love him. It’s not your job to judge him; likes and dislikes are not important in parenting. It’s your job to let go of the “pictures in your head”, look at the person in front of you and… love him.

An accident or an illness might just be Life’s way of telling us that we need to surrender and return to simple gratitude, following the guidance step by step, breath by breath and melting ourselves into service (giving) or listening and receiving mode for a while. Feeling free in not having an opinion and allowing ourselves to heal, regenerate and learn.

While inviting people to join in, gather around or do something together has its place and time for sure, I’m going to tell you about another very beneficial practice that is one of the keys in having independent and inspired kids and an overall chilled atmosphere at home.

The story of raindrops and vampires and overwhelm. And how fantasy was turned into reality and reality turned into fantasy.

Some time ago, I saw a video of me being part of a panel discussion on education. The feeling that hit me while watching-not watching (it was tough, I hit cut quite early) was loathing. And that hadn’t happened to me for a long, long time. After all, I had been actively working on and shifting into loving myself for several years. But! I was ready to dive deeper.

Inside the everyday mind, between the dishes and the dashes, it is hard to see our own shadows. They only show us their results: conflicts, misunderstandings, one kid hitting the other, and the disconnection from our partner. And we might even conclude that it has nothing to do with us. We are perfect. The perfect darkness. Nothing is seen.

First of all. I am not a creator. Don’t get me wrong. I am - in the widest and deepest sense, we are all creators. But! On the soul-guild level, I am a channeller, lighte-bringer, illuminator, messenger, and translator. I allow the life energy, the creative energy and the message to dance through me, and I translate this into words, messages, profound understanding and paths of healing.

But, as same as the creators and initiators of this world, my natural state is a messy flow.

I’ve always been rather awful with structure and arbitrary systems. For example, when I dedicate a separate time from my schedule to “create”, I either do anything else with that time (literally anything, from accounting to reading to wriggling my toes) or I spend hours on end designing something I later throw away because I feel that it wasn’t inspired and it lacks the “oomph”.

Most of us, even when we don’t openly admit so, are influenced by other people’s success, travel pictures, new job opportunities or gatherings and not always in a good way. We might feel, deep down, that we have somehow less. We experience less. Our life is less important, less interesting. Or we are somehow excluded from the good things. Everybody is having fun! Except me…

We walk around with a subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) protective shield up at all times. Comfy, acceptable, known…. and I’m sorry, but….boring. Boring as hell.

People who can't take "no" for an answer build highway tunnels through mountains or give up altogether. I like to follow the secret mountain path on foot or up on a horse, camp through the night and admire the starlight. When we hear a "no" and keep on going with simple changes, twists and bends, and keep on climbing and walking, we get a quality journey. We get wisdom way more precious than any speedway could ever give us.

So. I can allow you to Love me. Without falling apart over the ways you see fit. Without getting caught up in your Love, without getting caught up in your fear.

It is a great art to recognise the seasons in your own life, in your own relationships, and let go of the old when the time is ripe. Every season speaks to the human heart in different ways and has its own grip on our psyche, its own lesson, its own power…